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Warning:  If you are a hardcore vegan/vegetarian or just against cooking live lobster, you may want to skip this.

If not then check out the pics I took while on vacation.

This is Bill.

This is Ted.

Bill is on top.

Ted is on the bottom.

They are about to take a most excellent adventure.  Or maybe this is the sequel, Bill and Ted Go to Hell?  OR, Bill and Ted's Journey Through the Lobster Pot?  Or Journey to the Center of My Wife's Stomach?

I think you see where this is going.

This is Bill.

This is Ted (in a bit of a fish eyed photo--hah!  I made a funny!  Really, his claws didn't get all huge when he was cooked, though he did have substantial claws).

According to my wife (and a friend who we vacation with) Bill and Ted were DEEEE-licious.  No, I didn't partake.  Not because I was morally offended or anything.  I don't care for much (if any) seafood.  And don't give me that whole "you've never had it prepared properly" line.  Seafood stinks.  Literally.  And no, don't try the "well, fresh stuff doesn't" line on me either.  The only way these bad boys could have been any fresher is if they were scooped out of the ocean IN the lobster pot.  We bought them right off the fishing boat in the afternoon and cooked them in the evening.  Oh, and they didn't make any noises when my wife hove them into the pot (well, they had to go one at a time because they were so large and in charge).  But they did make some weird chewing noises when they were in the cooler on the bag of ice.  I wonder if it was the lobster equivalent of chattering teeth.  The little buggers did turn a bit blue around the edges.

They really aren't attractive, are they?  Totally reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Homer raises Pinchy (the lobster).

Homer's version of Pinchy:

How Marge sees Pinchy:

Now I'm one of those "aww, cute" types.  But neither Bill nor Ted are (or were) cute.  They were borderline GROSS.  Like cockroaches (which they kind of are).  And they smelled all fishy and icky (once cooked--alive they just smelled like ocean water).

So did these:

Mess of crab claws.  Crab claws just may win as the most time consuming food on the planet.  I think you burn more calories bashing the hell out of them to get at the one scrap of meat then you do eating them.  Combine them with iceberg lettuce and celery and you may have a meal that burns more to eat then it's worth.  (have to skip the butter sauce)

What else did I do on my week of vacation?  Sat around on the beach in my swim suit, ate a lot of junky food, and drank (but not to excess--I'm too old for all that, well, most of the time).  Really, it was a week of being SUPER lazy and it was great.  The only way it could have been better is if it had been a bit warmer.  We were only able to tolerate being in the water a couple times.  It was COLD.  And it was a bit windy on the beach, but not bad.

And here's how "white" my wife and I are.  We packed (I'm not exaggerating) 8 bottles of sunscreen (the continuous spray kind) and used about half of it.  I think we probably completely repainted the condo bathroom in sun screen and we didn't always spray in the house (we would air out a bit on the balcony and we had to re-apply while on the beach).  I think I killed more than a few brain cells breathing in the fumes and may have to take the blame for a tiny hole in the ozone layer.  Shh, don't tell Al Gore, I don't  need him all up in my business.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 4th, 2013 01:19 am (UTC)
I completely agree with you about the taste of seafood - unless it's been seriously battered and deep-fried, it tastes... fishy.


Glad you had a good lazy vacation!
Jun. 4th, 2013 06:05 am (UTC)
Glad you had a great time!

I love shrimps and all sorts of fish, but never tried lobster. I think they're super-creepy and I could never cook them myself as long as they're moving *shudders*
And I'd starve while picking the meat out of the shell.
Jun. 5th, 2013 05:22 pm (UTC)
I always name my lobsters, too. Although I've never caught or cooked one myself. I let restaurants do that because that mess is scary! They're all pinchy and stuff. But anyway. My last lobster was named Frankie. I kind of have a hard time eating them after I name them, but I always name them anyway.

I agree that crab claws are more trouble than they're worth, unless they're snow crabs, because snow crabs are amazing. They're probably the most annoying to shell, but they are most definitely worth it.
Jul. 6th, 2013 03:51 pm (UTC)
My mom always said that whoever ate the first lobster must have been REALLY hungry.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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